Disillusionment
by HelleBoreHunt
Summary: The Orb of Amalgam, a powerful relic possessed long ago by Amalgamous of the Thirteen. It is said that if you touch it, you will fall into a stupor where you will live out your greatest dream, as well as your greatest nightmare...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I edited it to try and make it less confusing. No idea if I succeeded. It's still weird, and I still don't know if I'm gonna let the second part ever see the light of day, but. Here ya go.  
Warnings: It's really weird and kinda confusing.  
Disclaimer: Be glad I don't own it.**

Smokescreen awoke when he felt the berth shift beside him. He onlined his optics, turning his helm to look at the form sitting up on the berth.

"Optimus?" he mumbled sleepily. Optimus turned to him, smiling lovingly as he bent down to kiss him softly. Their bond filled with love as he did.

"I'll be back shortly Smokescreen, I promise." Optimus reassured as he pulled away. Smokescreen nodded, lying back down as Optimus left the room. He offlined his optics again, intent on going back into recharge; however, he onlined them again when he heard the door reopen. He listened as little footsteps echoed around the room, rolling over when he heard a little warble from the side of the berth. He sat up on one arm, setting his chin in his servo and looking over the edge of the berth with a fond smile.

"Hello little one." he cooed. Big turquoise optics looked up at him, and the sparkling clicked happily. Smokescreen laughed, reaching over the berth and wrapping his servos under the sparkling's raised arms and easily picking him up. He set him down beside him, trilling to him affectionately. He sighed as the sparkling traced nonsensical designs on his torso.

"Every day you look more like your sire." he remarked, rubbing the small blue helm tenderly. Smokescreen rolled onto his back, picking up the sparkling and settling him on his chestplates. Turquoise optics looked down at him curiously, examining his face. He laughed, grabbing smaller servos and tugging gently until the sparkling was laying on him. He rest a servo on his back, lightly petting between the two doorwings that were only just starting to form. The sparkling purred, nuzzling his face into his carrier's chestplates and offlining his optics, soon falling back into recharge. Smokescreen stayed awake a short while longer to watch him, then fell back into contented recharge himself.

Smokescreen awoke slowly at first, and then bolted upright in a panic when he realized his sparkling was no longer on top of him. He frantically scanned the room, before jumping out of the berth and tearing out of the room. He skidded to a halt when he heard a familiar voice, turning around and speed walking towards it. His body sagged in relief when he rounded the corner.

Optimus looked up from where he was sitting on the floor, smiling at Smokescreen. Smokescreen smiled back, walking into the room and sitting across from him.

"I hope you know my spark almost stopped beating when I woke up." he said dryly.

"My apologizes." Optimus said, though he did nothing to hide the grin on his face. He looked down at the sparkling happily completing a puzzle between his legs. "I'm surprised you didn't wake up in I walked in. He started making quite a commotion."

"Did he now?" Smokescreen mused, watching as the sparkling carefully examined each piece, trilling happily when he found the right one and put it in place. "I see you handled it well."

"He's not hard to please." Optimus chuckled.

Smokescreen laughed too, taking a moment to enjoy the image of his family in front of him. His smile gradually fell.

"Optimus?"

Optimus looked up at him, frowning when he saw the conflicted look on Smokescreen's face. "Yes Smokescreen?"

"Do you ever… do you ever get the feeling something bad is going to happen?" Smokescreen asked. Something had been bothering him since he woke up- the nagging feeling that something terrible was about to occur.

Optimus looked out the window. "Sometimes." he mumbled. He turned back to Smokescreen. "But we're parents. I suppose that's normal."

Smokescreen nodded slowly. "I suppose so." he hesitantly agreed. Optimus smiled, turning his attention back to the sparkling in his lap. Smokescreen sighed. The feeling wouldn't go away. Something bad was going to happen; he knew it.

When he first heard the whistling, Smokescreen didn't think much of it. Until it didn't stop. In fact, it grew louder, and louder, until the first explosion hit. Smokescreen jumped up as the ground shook violently, hearing several screams from people outside. He ran outside, looking around to try and see what was happening. He gasped as he looked to his left.

The entire area was demolished. Rubble and fire over took what had once been a street and houses. Smokescreen started to run to go help, but froze when he heard the whistling again. He turned around, staring terrified at the sky.

A missile arched through the sky, followed by another, and another, and another. He stood, terrified, as they grew closer. Finally he found his feet, tearing towards his house.

"Optimus!" he screamed, right as the missile made contact. The explosion knocked him backwards, throwing him several hundred feet away. He hit the ground with a hard thunk, crying out as one of his doorwings got pinned under him, catching a lot of his weight as he fell. He looked up at the sky, not really seeing anything.

Gone. Just like that, they were gone. His spark was crying out in agony, before going completely numb.

"No." he whispered, watching as more missiles raced over his helm. Coolant tears ran down his face. He watched as a missile curved down, nose pointing towards him, yet made no move to try and escape. He couldn't. All he could do was lay there and wait for it.

Gone. But not for much longer.

Smokescreen jerked as he came online, looking at the familiar ceiling of the base. He hesitantly touched his face, his digits coming back wet. He stared at them, then back at the ceiling, lowering his servo.

"What is happening to me?" he whispered, terrified and confused. He looked around himself. Yes, he was in the base. And he was attached to several beeping monitors. What? He looked down, noticing the fresh weld marks on his legs and torso.

He racked his mind, trying to remember something, anything that would have landed him under Ratchet's care. He jerked his helm up as he heard footsteps coming towards him. He almost sobbed in relief when he saw Optimus walk into his line of sight.

"Optimus." he croaked out. Optimus walked to his side, gently touching his helm.

"Smokescreen. How do you feel?"

Smokescreen frowned, still trying to remember anything. "I feel… fine. Optimus, what happened?"

Optimus frowned. "You don't remember anything?"

Smokescreen shook his head. "The last thing I remember is…" he paused, recalling bits and pieces of what had happened. "A relic? A… fight? You…" He looked up at Optimus. "You threw Knock Out into a lake."

"Ocean." Optimus corrected, a little smug. "Do you recall anything specific besides that?"

Smokescreen offlined his optics, concentrating. "The relic… Starscream made a run for it, and so did I, and… I got there first?" He looked up at Optimus again. "Optimus, what happened?" he asked, his tone taking on a hint of urgency.

Optimus placed his servo on his shoulder soothingly. "Come with me."

Smokescreen walked slowly into the relic vault, staring at the object held within. It sat unassumingly on a pedestal in the center, a chalky white color and glowing faintly. Smokescreen warily stepped around it, staring at it from all sides. "It looks like marble." he commented, holding his servo over it and feeling the coldness radiating from it.

"It is called The Orb of Amalgam."

Smokescreen drew his servo back. Amalgam, Amalgam. He knew that from somewhere. It was…

"Amalgam? As in Amalgamous of the Thirteen?"

Optimus nodded slowly. "Yes. The Orb was a tool he used to trick others. Touching the Orb causes whoever touches it to fall into a stupor, and live out their greatest dream."

"That doesn't sound like something he would be in to." Smokescreen interjected. "Sure this is the right Amalgam?" And what he experienced was _not _a dream. Smokescreen shivered minutely.

"I'm sure. The Orb, after letting the person live out their greatest dream, makes them also live out their greatest nightmare."

Oh. Yeah, that sounded right. "I see." Smokescreen said weakly. He turned and walked quickly out of the vault. He didn't want to be near that thing. It made him nauseous, along with the terrible images flashing through his processor from his nightmare.

That was another part of the problem. It had all been an illusion, created when he touched the relic. He should have known that, really. Everything had been a little off, a little wrong, now that he thought about it. Did the sparkling even ever have a _name_?But it had felt so _real _in the moment, and he had been so _happy_, until everything had literally blew up in his face, that he hadn't noticed or cared to. It was confusing to think about, and the world seemed to be tilting around him. His helm hurt. It was _too much_, suddenly, and Smokescreen struggled to regulate his breathing. It hadn't been real. He didn't know if that thought made him feel better or worse. He needed to go somewhere quiet and think, clear up the thoughts in his helm before he had a panic attack in the hallway.

Smokescreen stopped walking and flinched as a strong servo clasped his shoulder. He looked at it, but said nothing.

"Smokescreen. Do you… wish to talk about it?"

Smokescreen dropped his gaze to the floor. He didn't. Not really, even if it might help. He had no idea how Optimus would take it though. Yeah, he was pretty sure Optimus loved him, but what they had in his dream was quite a leap from what they had now. And while he was all for it, Optimus… might not be so inclined.

"I… I don't know. I mean… it was so weird." He pressed his servo over his spark. "It felt so real, Optimus. It was wonderful and then so _terrible_. And now that I'm awake, I just feel so… spark-broken. And relieved, at the same time. It's not a comfortable feeling. I'm so confused, and frustrated because I can't even _think_, and I just-" he sighed, letting his sentence end there.

The servo slipped from his shoulder, and Optimus walked to stand in front of him. He gently tilted Smokescreen's helm up, rubbing his thumb over his cheek. "I understand. If you want to talk about it later, then we can. I won't push you."

Smokescreen hesitantly nodded. Optimus smiled softly, releasing his helm and stepping back. "I will be in the command center if you need me."

Smokescreen nodded again, watching him go. "Optimus." he called as he reached the end of the corridor. Optimus turned to face him. "I love you." Smokescreen said.

Optimus smiled. "I love you too Smokescreen." he replied, and turned back around, disappearing around the corner. Smokescreen smiled weakly, feeling a small thrill go through him. He would tell him later, once he got his own thoughts sorted out. If the way he looked at Smokescreen in that moment was anything to go by, it'd turn out well. He hoped, anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm such a terrible person to Smokescreen. Terrible, terrible person. But I gave him something to be happy about in the end, so I guess I'm not too bad.  
Warnings: Language, violence.****  
Disclaimer: Pfft.**

Smokescreen held his helm in his servos, resting it against his knees. He was huddled up in the corner, alternatively staring at his knees and the Orb. He cringed as memories reeled through his mind unbidden.

_They jumped out of the GroundBridge, not expecting to walk into the middle of a Decepticon operation. As the Bridge closed behind them, all the Cons assembled turned to face them._

"_Ah, slag." Bulkhead muttered._

_Everything erupted._

_They dove for cover, hiding among the large rocks that covered the beach. From there it was a matter of shot and not get shot._

Smokescreen shook his helm. It had been bad; they were heavily outnumbered and pinned, even more so than usual. And those were just the Vehicons and Knock Out! Then Starscream had shown up…

_Smokescreen yelped as he felt something hit him. Hard. He tumbled to the ground, sand working into the gaps of his plating. He turned over, only to get punched in the face. The whirr of a saw was the only clue he needed to know who had him pinned._

"_Get off!" he yelled, trying to throw the red medic off. Knock Out cackled._

"_But why? I haven't even begun yet!"_

_Smokescreen opened his mouth to yell at him, but any words he could have produced were cut off by a scream as the saw cut into plating covering his abdomen._

"_Aw, I'm sorry. Did that hurt?" Knock Out mocked. "Here, why don't we try somewhere else then?"_

_Smokescreen writhed on the sand as Knock Out took the saw to his abdomen again, this time higher up near his spark casing. He could feel his own energon running down his plating, pooling beneath him and making the sand clump. He grit his denta, pulling his arm back and punching Knock Out in the face as hard as he could. There was the crunch of metal, and Knock Out yelled as he jumped off Smokescreen, holding his face. Smokescreen stood, gasping as the movement agitated the cuts on his torso. He looked down at himself, grimacing. He could clearly see his internal workings through the cuts. He jerked his helm up as he heard an enraged yell, watching as Knock Out charged him._

Smokescreen shivered, moving one servo to gently touch the large weld mark across the middle of his abdomen. From what Ratchet had told him, if he had waited a few seconds longer he would've been in a lot worse shape.

_Knock Out tackled him, reaching for the cuts he had made, trying to pry the plating apart. Smokescreen punched him in the side of the helm, trying to knock him off again. He gasped as Knock Out grabbed a group of wires and pulled._

"_I pull these and you have only moments before your spark stops. That's nice, to know, isn't it?" Knock Out jeered. Up close, Smokescreen could see the faint impression of his fist in Knock Out's face, caked with energon._

"_Not today, Knock Out!"_

_Knock Out yelled as he was bodily picked up off of Smokescreen. Smokescreen sighed, relaxing a little as he watched Optimus throw the flailing medic into the ocean. He stood with some difficulty, shooting a Vehicon that came too close._

_It was by chance that he saw it, sitting innocently by the water. He didn't know how he knew it was the relic, but he did and ran for it. He was almost there when he felt something grab him around the thighs and tackle him to the ground. He kicked out, coming in contact with metal. He glanced briefly over his shoulder, and the set of gray wings told him that he was being pinned to the ground by Megatron's Second._

_Smokescreen flipped over, kicking at the seeker again. Starscream dodged, instead sinking his digits into his thighs. Smokescreen cried out, feeling the plating tear. He turned to look to the relic again, and his optics widened as he saw the tide grab it and carry it out to the ocean._

"_No!" he yelled. He clenched his servos together, raised them above his helm, sat up and brought them down hard between the seeker's wings._

_Starscream's optics flickered, and with an odd grunt he fell over, unconscious. Smokescreen slid out from under him, standing and looking around him. The amount of Vehicons was dwindling fast, and Soundwave was trading blows with Arcee. Satisfied he wasn't needed immediately in the fight, Smokescreen turned and limped towards where he hoped the relic was. He hissed when the saltwater splashed into the cuts on his thighs, but ignored it and continued searching. Finally he saw it. And Knock Out. They locked optics for a brief moment, before they both lunged for the relic._

And after that, nothing. The next thing Smokescreen remembered was waking up sore in the medbay. He glared at the Orb sitting innocently in the middle of the room. Well, there was _that_. The horrible dream that he had apparently spent two days in. Two _days._

Smokescreen stood, walking out the door of the vault. He needed to find Optimus.

Smokescreen took a deep breath as he walked up to Optimus in the command center. He placed his servo on Optimus' arm, grabbing his attention. Optimus looked down at him and smiled.

"Yes Smokescreen?"

Smokescreen fidgeted a little, looking at the ground. "Do you still wanna talk about it?" he asked quietly.

Optimus' face grew serious. "If you wish to we can."

Smokescreen nodded. "Yeah. I'd like that."

Optimus nodded, grabbing his servo and leading him to the lift that led to the top of the base, nodding to Ratchet as they left. Smokescreen's doorwings bobbed and twitched, showing his nervousness. He sighed as the door of the lift closed behind them, the lift rising smoothly.

"Are you sure you wanna talk about this?" Optimus asked, looking at him intently.

Smokescreen nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. It needs to be done."

Optimus squeezed his servo. "It's okay Smokescreen."

'I hope so.' Smokescreen thought as the lift opened. They walked out and sat quietly on the edge of the rock, looking out on the desert below.

"Little bit of déjà vu isn't it?" Smokescreen commented with a forced laugh.

"Indeed." Optimus rumbled, releasing Smokescreen's servo. Smokescreen sighed, not really knowing where to start exactly.

"Well…" he started, trailing off. "I've got my memories in order."

"That's good."

They fell into an awkward silence.

"Optimus, what do you think of sparklings?" Smokescreen suddenly blurted out.

Optimus stared at him, shocked. "Smokescreen…"

Smokescreen winced. "Yeah?"

"Are you implying-"

"Uh-huh."

They both fell silent, one in contemplation and the other in fear. Frag. This had been a bad idea. He should've just kept his mouth shut.

"Look, Optimus, I-"

"I'm rather fond of them, actually."

Smokescreen's mouth shut with a loud click. Optimus looked at him.

"I am. I've never given much thought to one of my own, but before the war I enjoyed playing with the sparklings a few friends of mine had."

Smokescreen sat in stunned silence, staring at his lover. He honestly didn't know what to say to that.

Optimus regarded Smokescreen for a moment, tilting his head to the side. "So, I assume this has something to do with what you saw under the influence of the Orb?"

Smokescreen nodded. "Yeah, you could say that."

Optimus looked out across the desert. "I see. You don't necessarily seem too thrilled about that."

"It's not that!" Smokescreen defended. "It's just… I didn't know how you'd take it. I thought you'd think it was weird or something."

Optimus turned back to him. "Why?"

Smokescreen looked at him skeptically. "Optimus, this is a spark bond and a sparkling we're talking about. Those aren't really things to take lightly."

"That is true I suppose." Optimus looked down, thoughtful. "Were we at war? In your dream?"

Smokescreen shook his head. "No- well. Before I woke up, there were… I think near the end, maybe we were. We were just civilians though. I'm… everything was rather vague honestly, now that I'm thinking about it."

Optimus grabbed his servo. "Dreams tend to be that way." He paused. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It was just a nightmare. It wasn't real. I just have to keep telling myself that."

Optimus pressed a kiss to the side of his helm. "Smokescreen, there is something I need to tell you."

Smokescreen looked up, curious and apprehensive.

Optimus firmly met his gaze. "I have thought, many times, about asking you to bond with me if we win the war."

Smokescreen's optics widened. He stared at him, and when he opened his mouth to say something only static came out. He closed his mouth, his processor running in circles.

"What?" He finally managed to squeak out.

Optimus grasped him by the shoulders. "Are you okay Smokescreen?"

Smokescreen nodded. "Y-yeah. Just didn't, ya know, see that coming. I mean, yeah I love you and you love me, but that's still just- whoo. _Bonding?_ Now, now, don't get me wrong! I'm all for the idea, obviously! Just… didn't expect to hear it any time soon. Or, at all, honestly."

"You didn't?" Optimus asked.

"Not really. I just… that's a big thing, ya know? Big. I just, I don't know."

"Well, now you do, Smokescreen." Optimus wrapped his arm around him.

"Yeah." Smokescreen breathed. It was one thing to think or dream about it. But to hear it aloud and know the promise in it was real? Totally different experience.

"Well, if that's not motivation to end this war faster, I don't know what is." Smokescreen said, still in a bit of shock. "You're serious?"

"Yes." Optimus assured.

Smokescreen nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm for it. When we win the war." Smokescreen grinned widely. "Frag, that just…" He laughed. "That just makes me so happy to hear!" He leaned against Optimus side. "I… frag."

"I'm glad I can make you that happy."

Smokescreen looked up at him. He lunged at him, knocking him to the ground and kissing him with everything he had. He felt Optimus wrap an arm around his back, the other rubbing his doorwing. Smokescreen pulled back, resting his servos on Optimus' chestplate and looking down at him.

"I love you." he whispered, nuzzling his cheek against his lover's. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Optimus whispered back, Smokescreen's servos feeling the vibrations the rumble of his voice sent through his plating.

Smokescreen sat up, turning over to lay over Optimus and look up at the sky. He placed his servos over the two that rose to rest on his abdomen, sighing contentedly. He should've talked to Optimus sooner if it led to this.


End file.
